What are four steps that a person can take to take action against abuse?
Summary
- Get educated. Abusive relationships are extremely complex, and usually have several forms of abuse happening within them.
- The victim is the expert.
- Have patience.
- Learn about safety planning.
- Practice self-care.
What do victims of abuse need to know about abuse?
The victims need to see that abuse is always about the abuser’s need to inflict harm and never about what the victim “provoked” or “deserves.” Childhood victims of abuse are trapped in their situations and depend on other adults to rescue them from their abusers.
What does the abuser accuse the victim of over-reacting?
Another thing the abuser does is called “crazy-making,” by saying that the victim’s (normal and appropriate) reactions to the abuse are bad, wrong, crazy and selfish. The abuser accuses the victim of over-reacting. They say that the victim is being “controlling,” in trying to stop the abuser from being their “authentic self.”
Why do victims of domestic abuse hope their abusers will change?
The abuse itself is experienced as an emotional rejection with the threat of being abandoned. This triggers feelings of shame and fears of both more abuse and abandonment in the victim, which are then relieved during the honeymoon phase. Then victims hope the abuser will change. After all, there are good times between episodes of abuse.
Is abuse ever part of a normal relationship?
Abuse is never part of a normal relationship. Abuse is bad and it’s wrong and it should never be seen as normal or acceptable. The victim can and should do better, and it’s not at all inevitable that they tolerate abuse in their future relationships. As the abused person grows up, just like any other person they’re attracted to what’s familiar.