Table of Contents
Why do I get defensive when im hurt?
Defensive behaviors have the purpose of distracting you from your feelings of being hurt and feeling shamed. The objective (whether you realize it or not) is to shift attention to the faults of the other person, so that in turn you feel better about yourself in the moment.
What does it mean when someone gets extremely defensive?
People who are acting defensively are essentially trying to protect themselves from feeling a certain uncomfortable way, and from viewing themselves as a failure or otherwise in a negative light.
How do you talk to a defensive person?
3 ways to start a conversation with a defensive person:
- Calmly state your intentions up-front. For particularly sensitive topics that you’re almost sure will generate a defensive response, it can be helpful to just anticipate it.
- Avoid leading with an accusation.
- Steer clear of “always,” “never,” and “you” statements.
Is it hard to tell someone they hurt you without being defensive?
It can be harder still to share something so vulnerable while also ensuring your partner doesn’t get defensive. Dr. Danielle Forshee, Psy.D, LCSW, explains that if telling someone they’ve hurt you without getting accusatory feels daunting, that’s normal.
What do you do when someone hurts your feelings?
It’s natural to get defensive when someone hurts your feelings. Like the word suggests, it’s your way of protecting yourself. However, if someone hurts my feelings, the first thing I try to do is shut those feelings down and analyze the situation. I think, “Was there a good reason for telling me this?”
Why is defensiveness so damaging to relationships?
When people feel dismissed, they are less likely to open up the next time. Instead of feeling close to their partners, they begin to feel estranged. This is why defensiveness can be so damaging to relationships.
What is defensiveness and how do you defend yourself?
Defensiveness is an impulsive and reactive mode of responding to a situation or conversation. Rather than listening with an open heart, we respond with our metaphorical shields up and weapons drawn.